Business – Rewrite the Emails

The following emails are inappropriate, because they aren’t at the correct level of formality.

How would you rewrite them to be better?

1.) Phil’s email is way too informal. Can you determine what he is writing about, and help him hit the correct tone?

Hey Dan,

I saw your job advert for an office manager, and it looks like a cool gig!!!

I’m out of work these days, and could use a great job like that. I’ve never been a manager, but I’ve worked in offices before, and I’m a fast learner.

Hit me up sometimes, and we can get together to talk about it, okay? And hey, the beers are on me. Ha ha ha!!

Take it easy,

Phil

2.) Susan’s email is way too formal. She is new to the office, and wants to make friends with her colleagues, but she sounds stuffy and cold. Can you help her sound friendlier and more approachable?

Dear Ben,

I would like to express my gratitude for the thoughtful invitation that you and the other members of the team have extended to me. I would very much enjoy accompanying you to consume some beverages this evening, but unfortunately, I am indisposed.

May I suggest that we postpone the outing until Friday, or another date that is convenient for all concerned?

Sincerely,

Susan Smith